By: Zulith Manzanarez-Rios
When this new year began, I don’t think anyone thought we would be living like this. There are things in life we can control and others we have absolutely no control over. COVID-19 has impacted our lives in a way the world will never forget. The people we have lost, the fear we have developed, the new “normal” we are living in now has affected so many people in a variety of ways. In my opinion, as a mother this has become a very scary situation.
I fear for my children, my family and myself. I began to think about everyone around me, worry for my children’s health and what would happen to them if something were to happen to me. No mother would want to leave their children behind. The unknown is terrifying.
I’ve had so many difficulties during this time. Having four small children means trying to explain to them the circumstances we are in now and the reasons why we cannot go outdoors or school. It means that I struggle to go out to get groceries because it is risking our health and with this devastation and fear come anxiety and depression. I have been truly grateful for the community support that has been helping with delivering groceries and providing services to those in need during this pandemic, even receiving devices from the schools so the children can continue online learning.
Through all the worries about our health and low income, putting the negative aside, I have also gained many new loving memories with my children. Before all this began, I was facing a different struggle.
I returned to school to become an Early Childhood Educator after graduating high school over 8 years ago. I was balancing my life and responsibilities as a mom but also as a new student who worked hard to their best. At first I felt selfish because I was pursuing a career instead of just being a mom, but then later realized it was to better all our lives. And although there have been times I wanted to give up, have doubted myself, felt guilty for not having everything together, and not spending the same amount of time with my children, I knew that this time I spent was for my family too. I started to get a handle on it.
But when the schools closed our family routines became a bit harder but at the same time easier. I no longer am running back and forth dropping off the kids at daycare or school then rushing to get myself to school on time, nor am I balancing the duties at home like cleaning, helping them with their homework while preparing dinner, putting the kids to bed, organizing my time to do homework after having such a long fast paced day being exhausted. I found myself falling asleep and being mad at myself for not getting things done. Now we can wake up all together enjoy our morning breakfast, schedule our time for the kids to do their homework as well as myself, while teaching my younger one and keeping them all entertained at home.
Many might say the more children the more experience, but all children are different and learn differently which doesn’t make things easier. The important thing is you enjoy what you have in front of you now and cherish every moment with your children. Make them laugh, show them love, appreciate what you have and be grateful that you wake up everyday striving to do better for yourself and for the little ones who look up to you.
We are not perfect, and no one will ever be, but the best thing is we don’t have to be. We should be proud of ourselves for all our accomplishments big or small because they matter. Enjoy the time we have now - it is time well used to remember the beauty of life, to cherish the life we live and who we live it with because it is time we will never get back and memories that will last forever.
So, if you ask me, I’m hanging in there, taking it one day at a time. All we can do is try our best to keep ourselves safe, healthy and pray for a better tomorrow.